So my clinic does not repeat betas. Literally they checked the one and said come back when you are almost 6 weeks and we will do an ultrasound. That's it. Its another 2 week wait except pee sticks won't help me cheat on this one.
I am in total limbo. I have had no pregnancy symptoms at all for 2 days - and trust me I have been poking my own boob to see if it hurts. Nothing.
Obviously the disappearance of any symptoms I was having is making me crazy wondering if it is still there. I thought about calling into clinic and asking them to draw one - just so I could know. Its not that doing betas would change much for me - it doesn't make it stick any easier, but I do think it may soften the blow. (Or just make me worry more - who knows). I cant look for the normal signs like bleeding because I am full of progesterone anyway. If it was low however it could help me move on with my life sooner - I'm not sure what solace that has.
Just frustrating and hard to worry this much. I just keep telling myself I will feel better after I see the heartbeat, but something tells me I am never going to trust the future until my kids grow up and move out of the house. I am not normally an anxious person, but this process has provoked a level of obsessiveness and insanity that is unlike me.
And so I wait again. Wait for the reassurance or the crushing blow of the ultrasound. Wait for anything to make me feel queasy in the meantime so I can relax a bit. Wait for the fate that I have zero control over. Wait for the positive feelings to come back.