Saturday, July 16, 2011

i wanted to scream "none of your business"

I got a good lecturing today.  One of the few nurses who I have known for years whom I never particularly cared for personally decided she was going to really get into why I don't have kids yet.  Fortunately for her I was in a good mood.  Also fortunately I do respect her as a nurse.  She however is quite abrasive, terribly nosey and really annoying.

Yes I am the last person in my group practice to not have children.  Yes there have been 3 maternity leaves within the past year in a half and none of them have been mine.  Fully aware thanks.

nurse: "Doesn't being around all these babies just make you want to have your own".

me: "actually I've been pretty busy working lately" (avoiding)

nurse: "But don't you want a family of your own?"

me: "sure at some point" (deferring)

nurse: "you know, you either have your fun now or you have your fun later - if you don't have your kids soon you'll be too old to enjoy life when the kids finally move out of the house."

Me : starting to get annoyed, trying to focus on my charting, not responding (ignoring)

nurse being persistent:  "You shouldn't wait too long - you know how these women have difficulty if you get too old."

Me:  "Yep  I know" with a fake-o smile and then I proceeded to escape into a patients room. (leaving)

It was like every terrible intrusive stupid question I've ever heard was all in the same darn conversation.


I know she's socially inept.  I have known this for a long time.  But is it ever okay for me to look at her square in the face and tell her the truth and just try to make her feel as bad as she has made me feel?  Some people are ignorant and have never known of anybody that was infertile.  But this is a high-risk nurse who takes care of pregnant patients every day - there is no excuse.  Don't get me wrong - this is nothing that I haven't heard before.  And at this point its a little like water off a ducks back.  It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.  But am I justified to tell her to go fly a kite?

Seriously I just spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to get fairly ill so I could have a 38% chance at conceiving this cycle and I am so freaking thrilled about that because that is such a better chance than I have EVER had before.  I have never been so hopeful in the process and she just had to re-hash everything all at once.  Its just a little bit of a downer.

I just hope she't not working tomorrow because I am still so annoyed there may be a few things that inadvertently fly out of my mouth if I am not careful.


  1. I'm extremely impressed at how well you held your tongue. I myself have let it rip a couple of times when people would talk to me like that. Blurting out things like I can't have children thanks for reminding me. With the scientific advances, I have gotten extremely lucky, but making the decision to do this treatment was very difficult for my husband and I as a couple. Being a NICU nurse, I know waaaaay too much and my husband was just worried how inwould handle the treatment,

    I understand people have "good intentions" but there comes a point where screaming "it's none of your business!!!" is truly OK.

    Good luck!

  2. Ugh - I can't believe the nerve of that woman. It's not like you are some party girl living in a ski town for crying out loud. She probably thought she was doing you a big favor by lecturing you. I can't stand people like that. Total ignorance. When people say that stuff to me, I usually say, yeah well we're working on that and that shuts them up. But sometimes you just don't want to let people like that into any of your business. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

  3. Ok, seriously, I can't believe her. In her position and knowing that you are a freaking OB she actually said "well, you know it's harder when you get older." I mean, I'm sure you've never realized that!

    I've always wanted to respond with something really witty and ridiculous to put those people in their place. I don't really want to launch into what I've been through -- although I'm sure it might actually help them in the long run to make them shut the hell up when it is none of their business. Mostly I just nod and smile. And feel like crap.

  4. yes, you can be totally honest with her to shut her up. i would have.