Through all my infertility treatments not only has there been a constant theme of failure, but there has been the constant thought of "I hate my ovaries". They got me into this mess first (sure I've got antibodies and scar tissue and one questionable tube), but the major factor has always been by inability to ovulate and my overwhelming sensitivity (or lack there of) to medications. No response at all to clomid but they exploded to cantaloupe size with the most recent regimen (and then subsequently got starved which led to plummeting estrogen levels).
Needless to say I was really worried about the egg retrieval. My RE had estimated that we were going to get 6-10 mature follicles. Don't get me wrong - after years of doing initial infertility workups and diagnosing a lot of diminished ovarian reserve, I am fully aware of how lucky I am even to get that and how low reserve is just a terrible terrible thing to have to deal with. I was so aware of age and difficulties with conception it I begged my husband to start trying way before we were married - - but thats a funny story and I will save it for another post.
So yes 6-10 would have been good, but I was hoping that if I had this much ovarian enlargement/discomfort/nausea/risk of complications that we could get a few more so I might never have to go through a stimulation cycle again. A little greedy I know, but I can't say this has been too easy.
So please don't take this as bragging, but this is the best announcement since hearing that my husband has perfect sperm. They sucked out 40 eggs yesterday and 18 were mature!!!! I am flabbergasted that I put out this many - the nurse even patted me on the back and whispered that I did better than some of their donors. I feel like I won the grand prize. My husband and I keep looking at each other and smiling little goofball smiles. I know its not an actual pregnancy and I don't know how many are going to fertilize, but it means that the process is at least going to get a bit easier at this point and I have never been so happy with my ovaries. I know its not my "fault" but I feel like I finally did something right. Its like a mixture of joy at my luck and pride that I stuck it through.
I will say however that it is not all good news. We may have to cancel egg transfer for this cycle. Kind of a bummer because it means that there will of course be more waiting, more money for frozen cycles, less chance of pregnancy if they are frozen.
As much as I am doing the happy dance around the house because of the number we got - I am fully aware that this was NOT how it was supposed to go and that the hyperstim from this could be pretty extreme. I know this partially because the happy dance (and even walking) is pretty uncomfortable with my massive abdomen thats about to get worse, and that I have been up since 4am because I couldn't take the nausea anymore. I also know the very early data about complications of pregnancies with OHSS - and while not the worst thing in the world - I have to keep reminding myself that the goal here is not just a baby, but the healthiest baby I can make.
So while I am not there yet - its a good first step. We'll see later this morning how many embryos there are. But for now I am uncomfortable but insanely happy.