20 embies classified as "good" at cleavage stage - which I think is way better than good - I think this is just the best news ever.
Throughout this process it has been difficult to think about the far-off future - being infertile I have spent so much time focusing on the cycle at hand and then re-focusing to the next cycle when failure occurs. I will indeed be lucky to have one healthy child if I am offered that opportunity and I hope that I can fully embrace that.
But I also realize that most families do get to the point where they want a second and have to do this all over again. That to me has always been daunting. How do you do it again when you are nothing but older? Do you rush into it before you're ready because you want to avoid the poor quality and you know its going to take a ton of time and money, or do you wait and cross your fingers and hope for the best?
If we end up with several good ones to freeze then a lot of pressure comes off my future - just like that. Less pressure to get pregnant each frozen cycle this time, less pressure to transfer multiple embryos, and less pressure to run into later if we still have some left. After living through so much repetitive failure with infertility it is difficult to fathom that things may actually be going my way now.
We may get the family we dreamed about after all. Its something that most fertiles don't appreciate or even think about, but it is the core of what will make my life complete. Other than a long happy marriage to my husband, all I want is a healthy family.
Hope has returned - and this time it may be for good.