this is not going well

Sorry for the lack of posts - life has been really really really not great this week.

So this is the go big or go home cycle . . .

heres the good news:  On my open tube side I have a nice juicy 14 mm follicle

heres the bad: on my closed tube side I have the following: 13, 12.5, 12.5, 11, 11, 11, 10 - the whole ovary is 7 cm.

Crap.

Oh and in addition, I feel terrible - bilateral low abdominal pain and now a UTI on top (my fault which you can conclude the cause of from the previous post).  I am not eating because I am too nauseated, I am trying to drink water to flush it all out and all for a cycle I probably have to cancel this cycle anyway.

I have just come to the conclusion that if it takes this much stimulation to get my stumpy ovary to produce 1 follicle - I'm never going to get anywhere with ovulation induction.  If you make the assumption the tube is closed and there is no crossover - I am golden  . . . . but what if the tube is actually open all along - I cant be an octomom.  Let me re-phrase . . . I WONT be an octomom - which is why we are probably going to cancel the cycle unless the first one pulls way ahead tonight.

This has been during a really bad time at work.  I have no support staff and I am overwhelmed because there just aren't even enough hours in the day to call back all my patients - and there are not enough appointments in a month to even see them.

Oh . . . and I am being sued.

I feel really helpless, very stressed and pretty miserable right now.  I think I am ready for this whole episode of my life to be over.  A month of birth control pills may be just what I need - and maybe a personal assistant.