I had a moment today when I was walking to/from meetings with several colleges and I realized
1) they were ALL carrying their breast pumps
2) the topic of conversation was baby acne and how you can't pick it even though you want to
When I developed into my full nerd-dom in college I developed a hint of social anxiety. I was doing nothing but pulling all-nighters in the computer lab for my programming class I realized that I had nothing interesting to talk about at parties. Going to a frat party - not only was I the sober sister, but also the one who kept from doing much socializing . .. unless I could talk about the most recent assignment with another fellow nerd.
Well today was the entirety in reverse. Now I am thought of as the "cool kid" because I can talk about adult topics . . . but I still don't at all fit in. Again I have nothing to say. I cannot comment about my favorite brand of diapers or complain about how much I am paying for child care. I don't know what it is like to want to pick my baby's face or how much I miss them when I am at work. If I try to talk about normal things the conversations always return to talk about their babies.
I realized there is no anxiety in it anymore - just boredom. I will care about all these things one day - but right now I am just uninterested in the conversation. Infertility can be isolating but I wonder how much of it is self chosen.