go big or go home - I'm home now

Well . . . I have failed.  Failed before I even tried this time  Instantaneous failure this time with the promise to suffer for the failure in the upcoming days.

So this is how it turned out yesterday morning after we had STOPPED the fsh on wednesday.

Open Tube side: 17, 15, 12, 11, 11 -apparently there was a whole other half an ovary hanging out on the other side of the scar tissue that we didn't see until it was huge.  Hmmmphf.

closed tube side: 15, 15, 15, 14, 14, 14, 13, 13, 13, 13 and too many 12's and 11's to count

HOLY CRAP.

The good part is that at least it was obvious that we had to cancel.  There was no beating around the bush with this.  No reason to go for it and hope - all this is a recipe for disaster.

But I will say that when I thought I may overstim - I NEVER thought I would be looking at over 20 enlarged follicles.  I think my right ovary is about 8 cm now - so now I am at risk of torsion.  Fabulous.

I dont really like the way I feel - my pelvis is so full and uncomfortable and I cant tell if the UTI is worsening or if my ovaries are just sitting on my bladder because I cant stop running to the bathroom.  What I am really fearful of is the upcoming hyperstim.  This could be really bad - really really bad.  I'm just crossing my fingers that most will regress without the fsh before I ovulate.

And so now I stay on pelvic rest, and no exercise and I watch my weight and swelling and I just wait.  Wait for my ovaries to rule my life once more.  Wait for it all to be over.  Wait for my period so I can have sex again.  The only thing I am not waiting for is the double pink line - this time because I didn't even get to try.