Thursday, June 16, 2011

future unknown

Women are planners by nature
Doctors and Type A by training

so lets just say I am very anal retentive when it comes to putting together my calendar.  In a 2 doctor marriage one must plan about 6 months in advance for any vacations, holidays and calls.  For me - I have no idea what state I will be in in 6 months.  Will I be exhausted and pregnant? On my 4th frozen embryo transfer and out of funds? Have given up?  On a break?

I have no idea.  My plans are all on hold.  Don't know when or where my next vacation is or where I will be celebrating the holidays but I am holding out hope that I will be healthy with some type of bun in the oven.  This is not bad . . . just different than the control I am used to having.

But with a baby I will have to surrender all control anyway - so maybe it is a good lesson for me.


  1. This process is all about surrendering control....It sucks, but if the end result is a baby...then I sure as hell hope it's all worth it...And you're right, having a baby makes you surrender all control! They call the shots for the first year or so, then you can get some of that control back...from what I've heard it isn't much :)

  2. I hate the unknown so much about this. My life is planned out two semesters at a time -- generaly about nine months ahead. So, every time someone tries to schedule me for something or ask about my availability for something all I can think is "I just don't know where I'll be." I find myself agreeing to things and hoping I can't do them. And, then when they inevitably roll around and I'm, yet again, not pregnant, I'm just depressed. I'm such a planner and it does suck.