So today was my IVF intake appointment.
you would expect after such a long haul that I would be excited that we are finally going to do something that has a double digit chance of working . . . but there was no real excitement there.
My IVF RE (who happens to be a coworker, and yet another person to see my vagina) remarked at the end of the visit that we both "seemed really calm about this". But it all kind of made sense. History followed by ultrasound followed by plan for meds and then the financial discussion about how much it was going to cost. Pretty cut and dry. Not sure what to be anxious about. Sure there is the possibility of it not working but there is no way to predict that, and no reason to worry about it now. It either works the first time or the second or the third - and eventually we will run out of money and hopefully we will have a kid before that. Thats all there is to it.
I'm just not sure how to feel about this. Honestly, I never thought that we would need it. All I needed to do to get pregnant in my mind was to ovulate for a while . . . but obviously we can all see how that turned out.
I don't know if I am a little angry with life or cautiously optimistic or just kind of numb. Its all in fates hands now and our bank account will never be the same, but hopefully I will feel good about it when it is all done.