So today was my IVF intake appointment.
you would expect after such a long haul that I would be excited that we are finally going to do something that has a double digit chance of working . . . but there was no real excitement there.
My IVF RE (who happens to be a coworker, and yet another person to see my vagina) remarked at the end of the visit that we both "seemed really calm about this". But it all kind of made sense. History followed by ultrasound followed by plan for meds and then the financial discussion about how much it was going to cost. Pretty cut and dry. Not sure what to be anxious about. Sure there is the possibility of it not working but there is no way to predict that, and no reason to worry about it now. It either works the first time or the second or the third - and eventually we will run out of money and hopefully we will have a kid before that. Thats all there is to it.
I'm just not sure how to feel about this. Honestly, I never thought that we would need it. All I needed to do to get pregnant in my mind was to ovulate for a while . . . but obviously we can all see how that turned out.
I don't know if I am a little angry with life or cautiously optimistic or just kind of numb. Its all in fates hands now and our bank account will never be the same, but hopefully I will feel good about it when it is all done.
I was too overwhelmed to be excited right after my appt. It's been almost two weeks and I'm just now getting excited....but I've been through the ringer in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteIVF....the 3 dreaded letters... Wish I had done it sooner. Of course there's no guarantee it would have worked back then, but the odds are pretty good. Cautiously optimistic is the way to go! I'm still being cautiously optimistic. Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteI was soo pissed about having to do IVF too. It meant that there was a problem and I was admiting it for the first time. And the money aspect...killed me. I just get sick when I think what else we could have bought with all the money we spent. BUT...I truly hope you will be as lucky as I was on our first try (but our first IVF was via DE...so even higher odds for success). Anyway...good luck. Will be here as you trudge through the IVF trenches.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!! I also never really believed that IVF was in our future, though after the 5th IUI it started to seem highly likely and after IUI #6 I was sooo ready to move on. I think your attitude about it is actually great- I wish I could be a tad bit more removed and begin to let go of the delusion that I have any control at all over whether this works the first time (unfortunately I am still hanging on to this delusion for dear life:)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how big each new step seems back when you imagine it as a highly unlikely possibility in the future. But, when it comes down to it, it all starts to seem so "eh."
ReplyDeleteWishing you lots of luck!
I was in the same boat. I figured something would work eventually. So far, no dice. I'm hoping a different result for you. Good luck!
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