How much to I have to pretend that everything is all right.
Ran into my RE at work and smiled, but didn't really feel like chit chat.
Threw my mother in law a birthday dinner - I tried to be happy - it was easier after a glass of wine.
People are uncomfortable around me when I am not "my usual self" - they just don't know how to respond. Frankly I am the same way when I am around someone as low as myself. I'm sorry I can't be happy and cheer everyone up and keep people laughing. I kind of just stop talking. Silence always makes people uncomfortable.
I am trying to bury myself in work - I think my productivity in the past week has been impressive. My sleep has not. I look like hell, I feel like hell, but my research is surging . . . um yay? I guess its either that or eat - which is counterproductive.
I just keep re-iterating in a dori voice "just keep swimming . . . just keep swimming"
I feel bad and yes I am wallowing in my own vat of self pity. But this is not some chemically induced down-ness that can be solved with a little pill. This is situational suckage that could be instantly repaired with one thing - okay maybe it could be solved temporarily instead with a puppy.