How much to I have to pretend that everything is all right.
Ran into my RE at work and smiled, but didn't really feel like chit chat.
Threw my mother in law a birthday dinner - I tried to be happy - it was easier after a glass of wine.
People are uncomfortable around me when I am not "my usual self" - they just don't know how to respond. Frankly I am the same way when I am around someone as low as myself. I'm sorry I can't be happy and cheer everyone up and keep people laughing. I kind of just stop talking. Silence always makes people uncomfortable.
I am trying to bury myself in work - I think my productivity in the past week has been impressive. My sleep has not. I look like hell, I feel like hell, but my research is surging . . . um yay? I guess its either that or eat - which is counterproductive.
I just keep re-iterating in a dori voice "just keep swimming . . . just keep swimming"
I feel bad and yes I am wallowing in my own vat of self pity. But this is not some chemically induced down-ness that can be solved with a little pill. This is situational suckage that could be instantly repaired with one thing - okay maybe it could be solved temporarily instead with a puppy.
Swim, swim and don't forget to come to the surface for air from time to time. We're all here in the suckage with you.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you're saying. Today I felt like telling my coworkers, "So sorry my grief and misery is making you uncomfortable". Sometimes, while I'm treading water, I can't imagine staying afloat another minute. Hang in there, hang on to others who know what you're going through and believe in your dream (that's what my dori voice has been repeating lately!).
ReplyDeleteFinding Nemo is my favorite movie :)) Just keep swimming!
ReplyDeleteJust know that not all your days will be like this. There will always be another day with new experiences, some good, some bad. We just have to try and hang on to the good as tight as we can.
ReplyDeleteI know, it sucks. What we need to fix this isn't easy to get. I hope things look up soon!
ReplyDeleteJust keep swimming. It is definitely situational induced suckage and that's hard to deal with. I hope things get better as time goes on a little. I think you're doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend the puppy. Wanna talk about Forces You To Focus on something else!! Seriously. You aren't alone.
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