pms = pretty miserable spouse

There was a time in my life where I cycled normally.  When I was a teenager I had regular every 28 day periods - sad to think that is was the last time I was ever gynecologically normal.  I know this doesn't seem to happen to many people with PCOS - it doesn't follow the norm.  But I will say that I was fairly thin and working out 2-3 hours a day at the time.  When I was 18 and quit sports in favor of being a nerd - well thats when all the PCOS symptoms decided to come out.

Problem was for a short time (until my mom hit chemo-induced menopause) - my mother and I would cycle together.  I really didn't think much of my periods or my cyclicity except for the PMS.  I think my father would hide for days on end because there would be an all out war at home.  Screaming, yelling, crying - all over a stack of papers hidden under my bed or if I came home with an A minus on some english test.

Of course what always happens in the situation is that when you are a teen - you are right.  I thought it was my mothers hormones, not mine.  There was no way there was anything wrong with me - in my head she was just being unreasonable.

After a full day yesterday of yelling at my husband for the most stupid things (especially since I almost never get mad at my husband at all) I realized a few things:

1) I am being a hormonally induced (insert swear word here) pain in the rear

2) I still miss my birth control pills

3) maybe it wasn't my mother after all - maybe it was me! (Sorry Mom)

So today I embark on the plan of self seclusion.  I can't treat my husband like this - he does not deserve my erratic wrath.  I am not sure how you cure the attitude when apparently I am not in control of it.  I think I will lock myself in my office and let him have a full day with his video games as a reward for having to deal with me.  (I'm bloated and pimply anyway with a going on 4 day migraine I am pretty dysfunctional.)  Infertility is a stress enough on any relationship - I wish I could at least feel normal in the times in between the crazy hormone injections and suppositories, but instead I am actually more crazy.

At least the crazy and the migraine will dissolve when I actually start my period, although then I will welcome the debilitating cramping.  If all this treatment works and I get pregnant I am pretty sure I will not feel normal - so this is a long amount of abnormal to be going through to get to a point of 9 months of abnormal to be followed by the postpartum abnormal which will likely be followed by another round of all of it.  When will I feel normal again?  Probably when I am 60 and menopausal long enough to have gotten used to the hormonal absence.  Will my husband be able to last through all of this?  I sure hope so.  If he does he will be a candidate for sainthood.