Sunday, February 27, 2011

How to meet women?

I went out last night with my husband and some good friends and one of my recently single guy-friends posed this question to me  "How do you find and meet an sophisticated women?"


First of all I will take infertility any day with my husband over being without him.  Not that I minded being single - but until I met the hubbie, quality men were so difficult to find.  I have to admit I have pretty high standards for intelligence in a partner, which may knock out about 95% of the population.  In addition to that I din't want anyone who was so smart they couldn't communicate in an intelligent fashion.  (that knocked out another 4%).   This coupled with all sorts of other issues (exclude workaholics, alcoholics and fitness gurus) meant that there were not a lot of people left.  The fact that I met my husband at all was just dumb luck.  I think it is the entire reason fate brought me to the medical school that made me so miserable for so long - but it was worth it.

So, getting back on track . . . .
At first I thought about my analogous where to meet sophisticated men?  I had some ideas but alumni football viewing parties and softball teams but these didn't seem to translate to meeting women.  And then I thought about it further . . .Where do you meet WOMEN, and secondly why don't I have any girlfriends anymore?

I realized GAGGLES of women engage in friendships spawned by their children.   There are mommy clubs, and ways to meet other women in the same age/communities IF you have kids.  And somehow, having kids gives people enough common ground that they open themselves up to complete strangers, and friendships begin.

But where do women without children go?  Where are all the educated women that I could find something in common with?  OH right . . . . they are doing what I am doing . . . working more than full time to build their career.  (Sure some intelligent women may have the financial capacity to stay home and be a housewife - but I wouldn't have much in common with them anyway)

I very much miss having friends outside of work.  My friends at work are great - but the conversation completely revolved around work at all times.  I miss being able to have an intelligent conversation about art or politics or movies or life.  Any good friends that I have had in recent years all moved out of the area for their jobs, and while I keep in touch, I miss having someone to call up and go shopping or out to lunch with.  For several years I have wondered how to make new friends.  It seems like a skill I once had a lot of experience with that is now dead.  I am a very friendly and nice person, but I don't know where to meet sophisticated women.  Not for me, and not to give advice to my guy-friend.

So anyway - I am up for ideas for him and for me!  Until then, thanks to all my infertility friends out there.  I wish we could meet up for lunch :)


  1. Me too...ALL my friends have kids and I swear the phone collects dust since they've had their brood. I have no advice for your friend either but how about online? I think online dating/match sites get a bum wrap because they are thought to be the last place/desperate attempt to find a partner. But at least you know those that seek an online match (and I would think at least for women) that they are online because they want to cut to the chase. So that's my I know TWO people (my SIL and a friend) who have met their partners of those couples is now married - and of course PG!! Lunch sounds great!

  2. I'm very lucky in that none of my close friends have kids - yet. I've thought about how I'd handle it if and when they reach that stage of life before me, and while I love them dearly abd that'll never change, life changes and it changes us. We don't all transition to other phases at the same time and that can make it hard to keep close friends close.
    So I've Joined a support group locally that I hope will develop friendships that will help see me thru this and beyond. I know it's hard to find the time, but if you join a support group or start one, I'm sure that would bring some meaningful friendships into your life.

  3. I am with you on all of this. I wish I knew where to find friends. The only people i know are through work. In my tiny town if you don't meet someone through work, church or your children, there aren't many other options. And, since I don't go to church and have no kids, we're down to work people. I was SO lucky to find my husband (at work of course...). But friends? They are either connected to work or they are out of town. It's kind of depressing. I think that is why I cling to my Internet friends so much! I really wish we all lived closer!!

  4. My old friends can't help but compare what I;ve gone through to a miscarriage and continue to give me unsolicited tips on how to get pregnant, so I broke up with them all.

    Now, I just hang with "My People" that's what I call them. Until last fall "my people" only existed on the other side of my computer screen. Then I decided to invite some of "my people" to my house for a retreat of sorts. Best decision I have ever made. Ever. Now in real life-I have friends, and one in particular who will be a forever friend, that are damaged in just the same exact ways as I am.
    It's wonderful! Not a single one of them will tell me to buy some OPK's or just relax. Now that, VISA, is priceless.