Sunday, December 12, 2010

debbie downer

I am tired.  Mentally exhausted.  Just plain pooped.

I'm just ready for people to stop asking me "so when are you going to have a baby?"  I am wondering if I have ever asked people this.  Its really an amazing intrusion of privacy.  Its kind of like people asking so how much money do you make?  Whats in your bank account?  How are your eggs?

Here are the responses I wish I could say:

um . . . trying . . . not working
just as soon as fate lets me
well . . . i think I need to work about 6 months and eat ramen to pay for the IVF
it doesn't happen so easy for all of us ya know

here's what I actually say (since I cant really lie but its not totally true either)

I have a lot of things I need to accomplish before I have kids, but we will at some point
Gosh . . . we just moved . . . maybe after we get settled
yeah . . . maybe one of these days!

Yup . . . that's right.  I am lame.  Too lame to admit the truth.  Too lame to tell people I can't do it on my own.  I m the only one at work in my group who isn't a mom or expecting.  So I just keep my mouth shut and pretend everything is fine . . . but its not . . . not yet.

1 comment:

  1. Hey girl, give yourself a break here. It is a really painful truth to share. I mean, do you normally talk openly about your most private and intimate bedroom activity with your partner? In my opinion, that is no ones business in the same way that our fertility is a private and very personal matter.

    But I do hear what you are saying. It has only been in the past few months that I have felt strong enough to respond with the truth that we very much want to have children and have a team of doctors helping us. It takes some skill to control the conversation from that point, but I've given myself permission to end the conversation at any point by saying that its been a really emotional experience and I'd rather not talk about it any more.

    For a long long time I lied to everyone, to my mom and sister and even my bestie, and there is a huge sense of relief in sharing the truth.

    Excellent post.