In my best Alex Trebek voice:
"what are 3 things I will sorely miss if I get pregnant but that I am enjoying right now?"
I am currently in the "screw you cycle two" mode. Okay - its not really cycle 2 - but its only confirmed ovulation #2 since 9/09. I am not sure if this is more of a success or more of a failure. Have I not conceived because I have only plopped out eggs twice or am I bigger failure because I cant plop them out in the first place?
So as my official end to this cycle (with another negative pregnancy test just to prove it/rub it in) I am going out with a bang. Last night - BIG glass of wine. This morning - fried salami (sounds terrible but is the best thing ever - just put it in a pan and cook it like bacon - grease leaches out and ends up crispy and salty). Tonight - raw mercury filled fish at a fun little sushi spot - maybe with some sake.
Okay so I know I am still not supposed to have the fish because of mercury buildup and blah blah blah . . . but there are way more self destructive things I could be doing. I love seafood. 3/4 of my family descends from fishing villages - it is ingrained in my DNA.
So I tonight I will absorb a little more mercury into my life as I look back at this cycle and flip it off. I will be back on a strict regimen of carb control in a matter of days, but for now pure hedonism. In the past couple of days I have experienced the disappointment, the anger and the sadness. So I am taking this derailed train and putting it back on a new track. I must remember that life is not about the destination but enjoying the journey - although I may not be so positive when the bleeding starts.