showering babies

I threw a double baby shower last month.  Yup not only for one friend, but for two due around the same time - which is now.

This is a kind of embarrassing thing to admit.  I knowingly tortured myself - full on pull out the belt and beat my ego silly over and over again.  When I made the decision to throw it, it was a time of genuine excitement about finding out about my friend's pregnancy.  Sure it only took her two months of trying, but at that time I was only into the infertility treatment thing for a few months.  There was no jealousy yet, I was optimistic about my own chances and I was really excited to throw a party for my friend.  When our mutual friend added her due date to the pool as well we all decided to have one combined shindig.  Little did I know that this act of generosity would drive me completely and totally INSANE!

As it got closer and closer, it became my nemesis.  It was constantly reminding me that not only was I not pregnant and not getting pregnant, but that it would take a seriously long time to have a baby.  (With the whole 40 week bun in the oven thing).  I handmade the decorations, made all the food, and just hated myself the entire time.  My self esteem has never taken such a hit as it did before the shower.  Not only did I feel bad about my inabilities, but I felt bad that I WAS THE ONE making myself feel bad by putting this thing on.

This was actually the inciting event in making me start blogging.  I couldn't even talk about it at the time because I was just too overwhelmed with emotion to deal.  I didn't want to back out on my friends and I thought that they really deserved a shower, so I sucked it up and threw a great party.  In the end the shower was enjoyed by all who attended, the new mommies got lots of wonderful things, and even I had a good time.

So anyway, baby #1 was born today and I am feeling a huge sense of relief.  One less pregnant friend!   Hoorray!  Strangest sensation that I feel relief, but I do.  Maybe its that mom and baby are doing well and I am a worry wart when friends are in labor, but there is also a component of "thank goodness this wave is almost over".  There are several people at work due in the upcoming weeks so maybe time is on my side because in a few weeks there will be a relative dearth of preggo peeps compared to the present time.

So I look forward to delivery of baby #2 in the coming days, hopefully for further relief, and with that thought I am going to the kitchen now to shoot myself up with a little fsh.