Today I put myself back into place.
Things are always harder when depressed. Harder to go to work, harder to relax when home, harder to sleep, harder to wake up. I have been very easily annoyed lately by all the people in my life that are undergoing the life changes of parenthood.
I try to be a supportive friend. I reassure as much as I can, but I can't get whole heartedly behind it because frankly I am a bit jealous and even though it is hard on them now, in the end I know they will both be just fine. Then I went to work today . . .
One of my non-medical acquaintances was initially diagnosed with a really aggressive cancer and it just came back.
So I ended my little pity party because I remember that I am healthy and I have a good life no mater if I am unsatisfied with my inability (so-far) to become a parent. I apologize to the world for being selfish lately and I promise to be better. Those little things that I thought were so hard are not hard at all . . . maybe I am just a wimp but I have no real excuse to be depressed right now. So I have jumped up, brushed myself off and am back on the horse. I will be praying for my friend but will take her example and celebrate what I do have.
It sucks when it takes a wake up call like a friend's illness or loss to make us appreciate our lives just a little bit more. I'm so sorry about your friend and I hope that the next few weeks as you delve back into your cycle will be easier to bear!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your friend is going through this. And, you're right, sometimes we need to step back and think about how lucky we are.
ReplyDeleteReally sorry about your last negative cycle. My love and I were really surprised by how disappointing our second iui negative was. We'd planned in 4 iui's before moving on to ivf, but made the decision to skip to ivf sooner.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you are posting your costs, which I think is really helpful. I feel so helpless having to accept whatever the costs that my RE charges are. It is better to be able to see what others are paying and to know which things I should try and negotiate.
You are right that we do have so much to be grateful for. I try and remind myself of that all the time, but it can be hard. My love has been unemployed for two years, and I realize that all things considered, we are surviving just fine. Your friend sounds like an incredible person, and it is nice that she can help you see and appreciate the good things in your own life. People beat the odds all the time. Here's hoping that she continues to thrive.
So to hear about your friend.... this IF journey is hard but cancer is so so much worse. Thoughts to you both xo
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