My husband is a good sport and just a genuinely good man.
This is so not his fault. The man has the most perfectly textbook semen analysis I have ever seen. (I wasn't surprised at all since I think he is perfect in my eyes.) I feel a lot of guilt that that he has to go through this as part of our otherwise happy marriage. At first he was just obliging my biological clock by agreeing to go for it - I knew he would be ready if it happened but mentally he wasn’t there yet. But as we have kept trying and failing and trying some more – I have realized he wants it just as much as I do. He is super supportive, really relaxed and positive about the whole thing. He dutifully gives me my shots and is there for a big bear hug and sympathy with every little single pink line. Sometimes though he lets on how much it affects him . . . that always leaves me feeling terrible. I know he is an awesome pediatrician, but he can be as tortured by his job as much as I am. For every time my patients ask me if I have kids, he gets that question 10 times over. He could have had someone else and had a family by now, but picked me anyway.
I told him about my pcos about a month after we met. Kind of a weird conversation to have:
Me: um . . . so I have something to tell you
Me: You know how I am hairy and covered in pimples?
He: Um . . . I don’t know what you are talking about! (he has an uncanny ability for always saying the correct response)
Me: Well . . . I may have some trouble getting pregnant one day.
He: Okay. Don’t worry . . . it will be fine.
And that was that!
Of course my husband understood what this meant at the time, but he never let it phase him. It was like he just shrugged his shoulders said “whatever” and moved on. Maybe he was happy at the time that there wouldn’t be an “oops” in his early 20’s, maybe he was in denial, or maybe he just never thought about it.
We’ve been together quite a while, and I never thought I would be this happy with someone. I acknowledge that I got very lucky to find him but I find it tragic that I may not be able to give him the gift of a child. More than being pregnant, more than having a child with my genes, I want to raise HIS child. I love him so much and can think of no better outcome than to have a little him running around.
I hope that we can have that one day. . . I pray that I will be able to do it myself.