Friday, December 2, 2011

23 weeks

This is going to be a hard week for me - actually a hard month.

First of all . .. uterus decided it was going to cooperate and relax more today.  A little bit rough initially with lots of contractions this morning when rounding but then I got to clinic - saw patients with my feet up (thank god for gracious patients) and tonight dare I say - I am moving about the house (albeit minimally) with only the non-painful variety.

But 23 weeks is hard.  Its so hard because it is on the cusp of really being a possibility, but also on the border of having very bad outcomes.

Until this time, as much as I am irrevocably in love with this little thing, I have refused to call her a baby.  She is still my little fetus.  Non-viable, full of potential, but not old enough to be on her own.   I have refused to let many thoughts go through my head about what her life will be like or assume that she will even be there for sure.  I know I can loose her at any minute and it terrifies me to know all the possible ways that could happen.

This is going to be a hard week to get through - I need to make it several to feel good, but this is like the last week of near-guaranteed loss if something goes wrong.  Next week (and to a lesser extent the few weeks after) may be even worse because its going to be the week of likely permanent disabilities if she is born early.  There will be nothing but major guilt if I do anything to provoke that.

So I think this could be the most important month in determining the rest of my life and hers.  Whenever I have had those important months in life/career I have busted my butt to do whatever I needed to do to make it work. Now what I have to do is a whole lot of nothing.  I need to keep my feet up, I need to be on the couch hydrating and eating well, and I need to relax.

Hard to tell that to my brain and even harder to demand it from a my defiant womb.  So for now I will just keep crossing my fingers . . . and my legs.


  1. Thinking of you and praying you can keep that sweet little girl in for at least a few more weeks! Hang in there!

  2. Praying for you and your little girl. Hoping you're one of those that needs an induction at 42 weeks :). Rest.

  3. So glad to hear that your uterus has been a little easier on you.

    I hope that this month passes quickly and easily and you don't have to worry about any of this. It is hard to know too much about what can go wrong. Hopefully everything will go right.

  4. Good Luck, may the coming weeks pass uneventfully.

  5. You've been nominated for an award! Yay!

  6. wow so happy to see uve made it this far, just knw tht im here routing for u, good to see tht ur still working so at least maybe ur mind can be occupied and not worrying....everythings gonna work out just fine, you'll see!

  7. Thank you for the sharing of information. I found the information very useful. This is a great item you posted. I'll be back to read some more. gynecologist maricopa