Well - its been an interesting ride lately.
Long and short of it . . . I haven't posted much lately because things haven't been that great on the uterine front. Slowly and surely the contractions have been progressively worse - culminating early this week with a really long uncomfortable day on monday, contractions waking me from sleep monday night to a purely torturous day on tuesday.
I tried to ignore it - tried to just get the job done well and I did. Its amazing how much discomfort you can ignore when you are focused on the work - but afterwards I knew I felt terrible. Wednesday morning I got up and realized my fundal height had dropped by about 6 cm and the pelvic pressure was intense. So what did I do - hemmed and hawed and tried to ignore it.
Yup . . . major denial . . . not proud of it at all. But what got me is that she slowed down her movements. There was no denying that. So I went in - of course was dilated and contracting and now officially in preterm labor with her little head wedged down in my pelvis.
Anyway fast forward to today and I am 34 weeks, steroid exposed and still pregnant. I am home after a 2 day hospital stay. But the way I intermittently contract is not looking promising, and medications are not really looking like a good long term option. Things have been intense in the middle of the night so I am hoping I make it through tonight without meds because my blood pressure and baby do not tolerate the medications well.
I'm not sure if I am mad at myself or if there is a component of anger for there not being any options on how to really take it easy at work. I hate that I was pushed to my breaking point but maybe that is my fault. I just wish there had been a way to work a little less - especially since I think I could have worked up until my due date and work would have been better served - now the people who have to cover for me are hosed for weeks more than anticipated.
On the other hand . . . I am really thankful to be at this point . . . and really thankful I can try to go longer. 34 weeks has been a BIG goal all along. Chances are at this point baby girl will do fine. Probably will have some feeding and growing issues but hopefully she can breathe without assistance and not be in the NICU too long. But I do want to be a little greedy and incubate her as long as I can.
This is my only job now - I am not going to be a physician for months which is far longer than any break from education and career I have ever taken. I hope I do a good job of it.